Wow, today did i realize that I have spent 23 years of life here in US comparing my happiness to others' ?

I am going through a internal self reflection over what is working in my life (always focus on MY personal growth and needs !) and when ruminating as to why i need to speak up and talk up, realized why i am not talking to people. i have been for too long, been told i wasn't good enough, not smart enough, taking personally when people don't hear what i say, so internally i minimize my shame and guilt and decided what i am going to say isn't important for other people. I also realize these same people have always been negative to me, so i thought why I am still hanging with them? i should cut them out from my life and stop "begging". I need to move up and move out.

 Well, here are we are in the middle of a Covid 19 virus outbreak. It's already been 1 week since last Sunday NJ has enforced it, and I finally worked my last day this week on Tuesday. Since then, it's been feeling like being unemployed for indefinitely, again...

In this situation, i have been doing nothing but reading FB and IG posts and 1 hour(ish) daily chatting with Mateen on most days , I'm afraid. It's kind of scary but yes, I think I need to be more mindful of my time not doing anything productive and start being more mindful to do productive pursuits. I tend to spend too much time just daydreaming in activities and when I want to start doing productive stuff like working on my resume, etc.. there are distractions that I cannot avoid, such as Alex waking up at 12pm. 

I also have to remember to also pray during the specified times (not later) and read Al-Quran daily (which I have started doing most days since Tuesday) but it's hard to keep the daily momentum since I worked.. so now I have to restart that again. One way or another. It is a promise to myself since December last year.

Well, this has to be one of the suckiest summers in my life. Just started working at Sivantos Hearing aids since December 2017 and last month they got rid of me when I was in Kuala Lumpur for Zahar's wedding. Reason they gave to Nadia for letting me go was "performance issues". What WHAT?? What performance issues? I was there the whole 6 months expediting their orders away and they never even told me a bad feedback. Sonia always said "just do your best"  anytime I have an issue or problem. And she always instructed that we expeditors do NOT go and solve other people's problems with orders if the orders are NOT  in the office.   So this is so hinckey and BS of Sivantos to let me go due to performance problems, because  I would have been told by Sonia by now if there were. Actually, if there was performance problems on me they would have let me go as soon as they have it. So, what a bogus excuse to let go of temps. Wouldn't it better if they just be honest and say "we are not hiring" after the Widex merge??  Whatever. I am so over this. I am focusing on the Upwork freelancing and learning skills on how to be an Entrepreneur.

I went home to KL last month to attend Zahar's wedding and guess we have a new sister-in-law (Linda) which, in by itself, she isn't too bad. Nice, I guess - but that's probably her honeymoon period with us. and of course now that Zahar has a new wife, he isn't going to stop by and offload his problems to the house. Hope he and Linda has a blessed marriage because I can't see Faizah being patient and having to put up with his stuff all over again. Umi is well, Umi .. I will leave it at that.

Did I enjoy my time to KL? The wedding reception was great, everyone was pleased seeing me. However, the trip as a whole, was just exhausting. Half of the 10 days was spent at the stores / malls because I think Faizah wanted to get out of the house. The other half, was spent running errands. Spent very little time in the house and with Umi, and even less time with the cats. Plus the weather was sooo humid, i couldn't believe it. The heat was one thing (weather around 97 deg most days) but the humidity was just intense. I also had very little sleep in the entire 10 days there, average of only 3-4 hours A DAY. The heat and there was no AC in the guest room... When I arrived home, I think I slept close to 10 hours on the 2nd night I was back .. and I missed the air conditioning :)

So now I am lawfully unemployed  since I got back but at least I can now claim unemployment while freelancing. So long I keep myself occupied and just plug away on the proposals everyday it should keep me busy in the mornings before Alex wakes up. I just need to keep my expenses in check and learn to lower expenses, or learn to earn other ways of income other than the unemployment.

 
Just updating to say that I am now out of Macy's.

Well, really, it is actually  Retailers & Manufacturers. Macy's is  the client based in that building.

So that makes me, and a whole lot of us that are not directors and managers of that place - contractors for Macy's Logistics.

Once again, a permanent employer job that turns out to be similar to a contractor (temp)  situation.

That's why I left Retailers & Manufacturers. All that work I did  in the warehouse, the glory and praises - doesn't get rewarded by big increases in the hourly rate, or a nice paid few days' off. 

I just had it with having to work in the cold and the noise in the warehouse, making tickets for receiving, and still have to show up for work during the retail "holidays"  because the "holidays" are big sales days for Macy's.

I am now effectively out of R&M and am doing my side hustle on Upwork.

I got to say, since I started this blog, i only have (including this) 6 entries for 2018.

Wow

can't say I like working at Macy's much even though that damn place  takes a whole lot of my time.

 

Summer is finally here! After today, the weather will just hit high 90s consistently after July 4th, from the Weather Channel we will hit a heatwave (3 more days of 90 degrees F)  by Sunday. Definitely the time to stay cool and in the shade and drink more water  to stay hydrated.

It's awesome how the universe works out. You think things are going one way, and the next thing you hear things are going completely the opposite way you thought, usually for the better. In my case, I finally got to be a permanent employee (read that: WITH BENEFITS) starting Monday at Macy's Distribution Center, indirectly reporting to Colleen and Jack - the VP of Distribution Logistics (aka the big boss that everyone seems to be snorting themselves to) starting Monday July 17, 2017. YAY!

The summary goes like this - I had been at Macy's Distribution Logistics since January to sit in for Yosary who was going on maternity leave. The head of the Department is Colleen, and Yosary is the manager reporting to her. So I was took in to do half of what Yosary does, and the rest of Yosary's work is equally divided up between the rest of the department. The work that Yosary do for Colleen is what I was trained on. And the other half that Yosary doesn't touch on, Colleen needed someone to assist her with. That's where I come in.

So Yosary left for maternity mid March in the middle of god knows busy season with inclement weather, everyone being sick and the DC closed for snow days a few times (you know how it gets between February to April in the North East). And Macy's/Bloomingdale's annual store inventory count (i. e. all Macy's and Bloomingdale's nationwide) went  into a frenzied mode of craziness for that one week on the last Sunday of April.(actually three (3) if you count the weeks leading to the stock take since we had to coordinate with all the distribution centers nationwide and stores under the DC's jurisdiction). So with all the training ,explaining, conference calls and back-up plans as to what and how we should be doing the inventory... yea, you bet we were under the gun a lot. It was quite a process that week but all quite exciting, just went very fast.

And in between March to June, things were happening fast and furious here and work kept us all busy and occupied.... and in the meantime  I just plugged in and keep doing the work I was trained for, assisting Colleen in the day to day inventory and reporting she asked for ... and she was happy, or over the moon about me, I think.  I only say it because i didn't hear her complaining to the agency, because I would know from the agency if Colleen was not happy with my work. I keep my peace with the rest of the department and I was actually getting some cooperation with some of the girls there ( SOME being the operative word) but in general we were able to keep the department moving. But I did hear the feedback from the agency and those outside my immediate department that Colleen was very happy with my work thus far.

And so it goes, until first week of July after the Fourth, when Yosary returned from maternity. And I was told my last day at Macy's will be Friday July 7 around 1pm or so when I approached Colleen as to what was the plan after July with Yosary back at work. She told me  the bad news. 

I took it quite well, at least at first. (There was only a couple of hours left in the day so I can fake it for a bit.) I think I sounded a tad shocked but most importantly not surprised the termination was coming. But I was more shocked and so was Colleen that supposedly RHI had not informed me. (She claimed they had informed the agency). Who knows, maybe they did and something fell through the cracks- then again, maybe they did not. But whatever it was, she asked for my resume before we left, hugged me and wished me well and gave me the "don't  give up, never underestimate the power of networking" speech,  and after feeling kind of sick and betrayed and relieved and a lot of more over the weekend i worked on my resume on Monday, essentially highlighting the key stuff I did the last 6 months, and emailed it to her.

Didn't hear anything from them until Tuesday when Jeff from HR called asking me if i would be interested in working back at Macy's but this time downstairs at the receiving side. We discussed briefly about salary and all the good stuff, and I told him I will come back with an answer by Thursday. Come Thursday I had more questions to ask and asked Jeff if I could come to the place and meet this new supervisor of receiving., Jaime.

So I went to see them yesterday on Friday, and Jaime spent quite a bit of time explaining to me the nitty-gritty of the job and it sounded a lot. But it intrigued me. But I get to be the only chick in that department. and to move and walk around a lot in the heated side of the warehouse. The desks where I will be working is situated in the open floor so that;s something I am not keen on. And it's at the far end of the building and I mean FAR END OF THAT HUGE WAREHOUSE. But you know what, it gives me a chance to walk around a bit and that is always good for me to get some exercise during the day. The position also allows for OT if I need to. And it gives the opportunity to learn something from the ground up and eventually ties into "inventory" and there's the start of the chapter on this topic called "Inventory". And "Cost Accounting". And "Operations". And "Logistics". Eventually it will start to tie around "people" and "human resources" and "planning". And that is something I can and am willing to learn about.